"some children are too hard to love" and the Nativity Elf!

I haven't written in my blog for a while because I have been carrying out final edits of my thesis! Soon to be submitted.

I have also turned to thinking about writing my key note speech for the ACEL conference in Australia which I am going to in three weeks time. My title is "Some children are too hard to love".

Throughout my research study this is a phrase I kept hearing from childcare practitioners. It is a phrase that worries me because are we saying that there are some children in the world who don't deserve love because of perhaps their behaviour might not be appropriate or somehow challenging. I agree that some children do have challenging and inappropriate behaviours however I also believe that these children are posssibly the children who need love the most!

I am starting my key note speech by introducing the audience to a little boy who I cared for in my playgroup at least 17 years ago, which will make him almost 20 now. I have no idea where he is now, or what he is doing with his life. But at that time he was quite a challenge. He would throw tantrums like I have never seen the likes again. His little body would go rigid with frustration and anger to the point you could carry him like a plank of wood. He would get so angry in his little body that he would lash out and hit walls and scream ear-pearcingly loud. He once was off playgroup because he had broken his nose in one of his tantrums, and an hour back to playgroup after it had healed and he did it again, after flying into a rage.

The staff probably did find him "too hard to love". But I still remember this little boy, and I have kept a photograph of him dressed as that well known Nativity Elf (he wouldn't be in the nativity unless he could be dressed as an elf so that year the baby Jesus was visited by an Elf carrying a toy sheep!). He left his mark on my heart, I often wonder what he is doing with himself now as an adult.

There were many reasons for his challenging behaviour, that I won't go into now but it would have been too easy to find him 'too hard to love'. Despite the hard work, I like to think I showed both him and his family love, I supported them, I went the extra mile. He deserved my love because he was a little boy with a lot of anger and frustration trapped inside his little body. He didn't always understand his huge emotions and struggled with dealing with them. Love is a huge emotion, and often all that little boy needed was a cuddle and some love to calm him down. Holding him until the frustration left his body was what he needed most.

Don't get me wrong, there were days when he drove me to distraction, and I will admit to hoping he would be off when the inspectors came calling, but on the whole he was lovely little boy, who on good days was "really easy to love".

My message is simple, don't write the challenging children off, they are the ones who will really benefit from love.

Now I have the inspiration to go write my speech now!